My Reality

How can it be that I sense you so near?
Absence from sight, again present.
I long for your touch, waiting and desperate,
Yet, your gaze penetrates my soul and desire.
Your presence means everything.

How can it be that I find myself empty?
Lonely, conflicted, wanting to protest.
I don't understand, my thoughts run like a river,
Yet, your longing is MY life.
Your presence calms my wayward thoughts.

How can it be that my struggles have purpose?
Divinely orchestrated, intended for gain.
I reason an explanation and end up lacking,
Yet, your will is graciously evident.
Your presence orders my moments and every day.

How can it be that you love me still?
Passionately, faithfully, selflessly.
I cannot comprehend or grasp endless grace,
Yet, your love is the reason I live.
Your presence confirms this love and helps me sing.

How can it be that I am your child?
Unworthy, unlovely, needy, learning, and infinitely deficient.
I ache to be secure, resolved, steadfast, and strong.
Yet, you have chosen me as your treasure.
Your presence marks your desire.  I AM yours.

How can it be that I sense you so near?
Absence from sight, again present.
I long for your touch, waiting and desperate,
Yet your gaze penetrates my soul and desire.
Your presence means everything.  This is my reality.

 

 

 

 

Thunderous Whisper

Walking up the stairs this evening the Lord simply whispered these words to my heart, “I understand.”  I couldn’t help but smile.  So simple and so very true.  God understands me. 

At times, I wonder why grief travels the soul as it does.  Often it meanders lazily through life circumstances, yet at other times, its sharp turns penetrate the moment with a jolt, alerting the day with regret, anxiety, or loneliness.  The harsh reality of what life is, compared to what it was, sends sadness into the moment.  In the complexity of trying to live this life in the wake of personal tragedy, the simplicity of truth continually pierces my heart.  When family or friends don’t understand, God does.  When I don’t understand, God does.

God’s voice brings Truth to light.  When He speaks, “He thunders with His majestic voice.  When His voice resounds, He holds nothing back” (Job 37:4).   What He commands, takes place.  His word, the agent of His purpose, performs His will.  His word is sent and when received, the heart is captivated.  In God’s thunderous authority and elegant compassion, a whisper to the soul widens the heart to receive His love.

I am comforted by a God who is the Comforter.  I am seen by a God who sees.  I am understood by a God who is Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding.  This makes me glad.  Sorrow is replaced with joy.  Regret is replaced with hope.  Anxiety is replaced with peace.  Listening to the Voice of Truth, God holds me close. 

Tonight, I can sleep.  God understands.

Picture It

My best friend celebrated his 53^rd birthday in heaven today.  Man, heaven must be an eruption of celebration at all times.  So many reasons to celebrate!  Tears, pain, and suffering are no more.  God’s purposes are in full, captivating view, and the rest of His story is unfolding at every moment.  Saints of old are on the welcoming committee for those who have just bridged the assent into the arms of the beloved Savior.  Joy is unending.  The surroundings are stunning and perfect.  Peace is palatable.  Today, a celebration of life for one resident was acknowledged and esteemed.  The day God breathed life into a man; the man I would marry. 

Sometimes I think I’m still so much like a child.  I try to visualize, in my simple mind’s eye, life in heaven.  What must be the view upon earth and the incessant battle?  What about the simplicity and complexity of eternal life, all wrapped into one?   I try to imagine peace eternal, contentment, rest.  Conversations!  Will we be able to relate to the warriors of faith or will we be in awe of their legacy once again as they tell of their stories?   What would be the conversation with David about wrestling the lion?  A perfect setting would be to listen to his stories while lying in a cool pasture resting upon the belly of a lion slowly breathing, purring in hushed rhythm.  Listen to the laughter of family members reuniting and embracing, remembering.  Activity will happen as a result of perfect assignments.  And glory will be on the forefront of our hearts as we relish in the Light of the Son each moment, forever . . . forever. 

A friend once told me that while she desired heaven, she didn’t look forward to it because she couldn’t imagine what she would do there.  It seemed boring.  I’m really not worried about doing anything.  Quite frankly, I’m tired of doing.  I know I will “do” something, many things, for the glory of God, but that sounds like an incredible adventure to me.  What we experience on earth is a foretaste of glory divine, a sampling, and a corrupted sampling at that.  Heaven will be perfect and beautiful and full of everything right, true, good, honorable, admirable, worthy, and glorious.  There is no one like God who rides on the heavens and clouds in his majesty! (Deuteronomy 33:26)  All power and dominion belong to Him!  This is a place I want to see.  This is a place that will be my home.  This is a place I long for. 

Today, I envisioned my husband doing what he liked best . . . working with his hands, being around family, and loving His Jesus.  I asked God to give him a kiss on the cheek from me and his kids.   I stared at pictures of the cute cherub faces of my grandchildren and at first thought; Brion hasn’t even gotten to know them.  But then quickly reminded myself, he cherishes them every day through the eyes of eternity.  I gave God thanks today, for the memories of a husband who loved me and his kids.  I gave God thanks for loving me forever. 

The adventure of heaven waits.  For now, the purpose of life on earth still beckons me forward.  Embracing life here is not always easy.  Yet, with heaven as my cheering section, I cherish each moment I’m given to fulfill God’s purposes now.  Eventually, my childish dreaming will become my reality and I’ll be home, gloriously home.